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Operation Operating: the Dorkugese Micro War
Part of That Eternal "Which Operating System is Better" Debate.
Date April 1, 2009
Location Dorkugal, Floor 79 (the battle simulator)
Result Draw.
Casus belli Doors is way batter than Penguin OS... or vice versa.
Territorial
changes
If you're talking about the stock market territory.... a whole lot of investments were ka-boomed.
Combatants
Doors 2008 / Doors 7.0 / Doors in General. Penguin OS
Commanders
Stevie Falcon I and Billy Fence I. Linus, the maker of POS, and ZapWire.
Strength
Two CEOs of Dorkugal, a mass fanbase. A really stubborn penguin, artic tern and a small, but loyal following.
Casualties
Several broken egos. A lot of broken egos.
Neither side won.

Note: You can choose which side to be on through this page!

Operation Operating was the name for the event where the Dorkugese decided to put away their differences and settle their OS preferences on their battlefield simulator.


The event

The ex-CEO of Dorkugal, Billy Fence I, and the creator of Penguin OS (named Linus), were sitting down for some sweet tea and nachos. They began discussing about computers after the monarch pulled out his golden laptop to do some stuff.


Linus: Nice laptop, love the golden color.


Billy: Thank you!


Linus: Can I look?


Billy closes out his E-Peace profile in embarrassment and turns the laptop to Linus.


Linus: Of all people, you too?


Billy: What?


Linus: Even our monarch uses that piece of Ford?


ZapWire flew up to see the two debating. He watches.


Billy: I don't understand what you're talking about. Reprocess that for me.


Linus: You're using Doors 7.0?


Billy: No, Doors CEO. Specially made for me by Micro Hard and Soft.


ZapWire twitches.


ZapWire: Your majesty, don't you know they're using you?!


Billy: That does not compute.


ZapWire: They gave you that so your people would buy it, and then they would become rich and MONOPOLIZE THE MARKET!


Billy: Preposterous!


Linus: Your majesty, it's true.


Billy: Is not!


ZapWire: Is too!


Billy: Is not!


Linus: Is too!


Several childish comments pass forth between the monarch and the other two. A crowd gathers to watch.


Random Nerd 1: What are you talking about?


Billy: (pointing to ZapWire) He says Doors is evil!


Random Nerd 2: Affirmative.


Gasps and remarks of "Oh No He Did Not!" pass through the crowd. Billy Fence jumps in slight fright, his crown nearly toppled off.


Billy: .......


Linus: Do you agree?


Random Nerd 1: (picks up tea) Don't insult Billy! His operating system is better! (RN1 throws the tea, it hits Linus right in the beak.)


Crowd: OOOOHHHHH!


ZapWire: (picking up nachos) IS NOT! (ZapWire throws the nachos at Billy, the CEO ducks and it hits one of his bodyguards.)


Crowd: OOOOOHHHHHHHH!


Billy Fence, now annoyed, stands up.


Billy: There's only one proper way to delete this conflict. You, me. Bring your OS fans, I'll bring mine. Floor Seventy Nine. Now.


ZapWire: We play a friendly game of Gravity, your majesty?


Billy: NO!


Billy somehow manages to fit every one in the elevator.


Billy: So anyways, we fire up a virtual battlefield simulator. We bring ourselves in the computer. We each choose our weapons.


Random Penguin OS Nerds: I brought a snowball gun! Banana Blaster! Fruit Blaster!


ZapWire: Pie Tank! HAHA!


Billy: We've got more creatures on our side! How can you beat us?


Linus and ZapWire, simultaneously: You'll see, your Nerdiness, you'll see.


Meanwhile, more penguins are joining...


Floor Twelve...


Random Nerd 1: Have you heard? Linus and Billy Fence I are about to settle a dispute on Floor Seventy Nine!


Random Nerd 2: The battlefield?


Random Nerd 1: Affirmative. An OS war.


Random Nerd 2: Who is it this time?


Random Nerd 1: Doors versus Penguin OS.


Both penguins laugh.


Random Nerd 1: We all know who's going to win.


Random Nerd 2: Doors.


Random Nerd 1: Affirmative. Want to go and fight?


Random Nerd 2: YES!




Billy and everyone else stop on the way up to Floor Seventy Nine. Stevie Falcon I can be seen entering. Everyone in the elevator attempts to bow in respect, though it is very cramped.


Stevie: What are all of you doing?


ZapWire: We're heading to Floor Seventy Nine.


Stevie: The battlefield?


All: Affirmative!


Stevie: What are you planning to fight about?


Billy: An OS war.


Random POS Nerd: Penguin OS versus Doors.


Stevie: Well, I believe I know the winner.


Linus: Penguin OS, your highness?


Stevie: Doors.


Gasps are heard from the POS nerds.


POS Nerd 1: You too?


Stevie: They designed my speech synthesizer. Without Micro Hard and Soft, I could not process output to my people.


ZapWire: Don't you know they're using you as an involuntary, brainwashing spokesperson?


Billy: OH, not again!


Stevie: That does not compute.


ZapWire: Listen, you are being used by Big Uncle so that they can earn money off of you. After all, you are the current leader of our grand establishment.


Stevie: The people at Micro Hard and Soft have excellent customer service.


ZapWire slaps his wing to his face.


ZapWire: Your majesty, have you ever noticed that you are the RULER of this nation? Of course they're nice to you!


Stevie: Shouldn't they be nice to all?


Doors Nerds: Yeah!


ZapWire: They were not to me. You see...


ZapWire: My experience was horrid. I was annoyed by the speech synthesizer saying "Please Hold". The holding music was intolerable; I had to listen to Rick Astley and Hannah Montana tracks for thirty minutes. It was annoying, when I finally got a tech support guy. From GOURDZOID. I could not understand I word he was saying.


Billy Fence: That's the Jack's lantern dialect, the Jackos can't help that.


ZapWire: It gets worse, your majesty. He didn't seem to know anything about the product. You'd think it would be obvious that a pumpkin grown to be a LAWYER would be, I don't know, a LAWYER?! No, they had to be a tech-support! Not only did I not learn anything, I was left a massive bill afterwards for long distance calling! I tried advice from the Internet, and my computer crashed. I installed Penguin OS, and the exprience was smooth and tech support worked!


Stevie Falcon: You know, your computer probably crashed because you executed the intructions improperly.


The Doors nerds laugh.


The elevator comes to a hault. Explorer stps in and sees the two CEOs. He bows.


Explorer: What'cha doing?

TO BE CONTINUED!

Result

Commentary

 
Alex12345a is shocked
 
 

Trivia

See Also

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