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MOAR KRABS
M0AR KRABS image
MOAR! MOAR! MOAR! MOAR!
Vital statistics
Title The crab who detects when attacks are coming at Darktan
Gender Male
Race Genetic Experimental Clone
Faction MOAR!
Health Infinite
Level MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!!!
Status Working for Darktan
Location MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!!! - actually, he's in the Darktonian Releam
Occupation
Interests
Friends
Enemies
Archetype



MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!!!!

MOAR KRABS is a genetic experiment created from a strand of normal crab DNA. He is actually a financial GENIUS, able to predict the stock market up to one week in advance but he is still not a genius compared to Peng Waqas.

Background

MOAR!

MOAR KRABS was actually a government funded experiment to create a new type of pet in March of 2009. By taking a sample of crab DNA, they were planning to create a super-intelligent varient of crab. It was supposed to be able to talk, read, have meaningful conversations, be housetrained, and exist as a loyal, lovable companion.


Foldy was assigned the task, but his paranoia got the best of him. After placing the sample in the machine, he immediantly went to his other lab across town to activate the experiment, unaware that he had left the microvave, the curling iron, and the television on. In fright from the previous lab, he tripped over the cables and was forced to rewire them. He accidently set up a series circuit, meaning that the DNA machine was on the same circuit as the other appliances. Foldy pressed the detonater across town.


Thus, the DNA unit recieved an industrial grade of electricity, and that current was shared with several other power-consuming appliances. The microwave exploded since it couldn't handle 400 volts, the curling iron caught on fire, and the television (which was airing Ford Car and Link) went out right when Link was saying MORE. All of these malfunctions, combined with the fire from the curling iron and the MORE television signal, not to mention some alluminum foil on the machine, destroyed the DNA and created MOAR KRABS.


MOAR KRABS ran out of the building screaming "m043!!!11!!!1!!!" like a Str00del, and one penguin, in defense, slapped him with a sack of money. When MOAR KRABS came to conciousness, the money was the first thing he saw. He quickly followed the attacker to a bank, where he was amazed at the money handling systems, the stocks, the vault, ect. .


It was then that MOAR KRABS devoted his new life to money and its maitenence.




MOAR KRABS quickly took up financing classes online, and after months of learning, he managed to get an asscoiates (two year college) degree in the subject. He was hired at a brokerage firm in South Pole City, where people came to take out loans and invest in stock. Despite his really freaky apperance and the fact that he said MOAR at the end of every sentence, MOAR KRABS became a very successfuly banker.


In fact, Judge Xavier was one of his clients, and after helping him with a mortgage payement on his trailer (and Jonesworth's mansion, which he shared), the judge gave MOAR KRABS a seat on the council immediantly. He was that good a financier!



Involvement

MOAR KRABS used to be the Official Treasurer in the SPC Council, though he represents the city and not the nation. As in, he's on the city's chamber of commerce commitee, not the legislature.


He handles all of the city's budgets, spending, taxes, income, and ordinances, as well as anything involving trade in and out of the city limits.


Furthermore, MOAR KRABS was hired by the Str00del Force to be their treasurer, and he juggles these two jobs all in a 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM work shift. The entire town council agrees that MOAR KRABS was the best (and scariest) treasurer they have ever had.


Currently MOAR KRABS works for Darktan.

Trivia

MOAR!

  • MOAR KRABS says the word "more" at the end of EVERY sentence.
  • He speaks in Leet, like a Str00del would.
  • He is very spastic, and if expenses are greater than income, he starts screaming "MOAR MOAR MOAR INCOME NEEDED" until the budget is balenced.
  • He can speak full sentences, but he always screams them louder than Billy Mays. wow...
  • MOAR KRABS loves anything with the word "more" in it. He owns every item relating to the It Needs More Balalaika! event.
  • MOAR KRABS is great friends with Admiral Ackbar, the Military Consultant. He often

cries, "MOAR SOLDIERS!" during planning sessions.

See also

Video

  • MOAR KRABS00:12

    MOAR KRABS

    MOAR!!!11!!1!!1!!

MOAR KRABS taking a bathroom break.

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