|This tale has been told! It's done!|
|The Great LiquidFence Scandal|
Oh noes! Pen Chi Eats YELLOW SNOW!
|Participants||Pen Chi, skuas, video tapes, and a burglary!|
The Great LiquidFence Scandal of 2008 was a massive scandal that was traced all the way up to the highest powers in the USA. In the end, the victim behind the whole thing was Pen Chi, a renowned Sensei (Ninja trainer) in Club Penguin.
It was a dark and stormy Halloween morning. While Club Penguin was having the party of a lifetime with Ternville hovering above, and most of the USA lay cowering in their homes, something weird was going on.
Two amateur skua criminals were flying around the area with cameras and such, trying to take embarrassing photographs of penguins doing stupid antics. They flew toward the Mine Shack, wanting to see some penguins getting smacked into a Cart Surfer wall. While following a particularly spastic penguin, they took a wrong turn at the end, and found themselves in Diamond Falls. They were not members of the Skua crime association, but like most any skua, they were bad... very bad.
In their new location, they had no idea where they were. The skuas flew down a long, winding tunnel until the reached a massive waterfall of lava, near the back of a huge cavern. Hovering near the ceiling, the skuas could see hundreds, no, thousands of ninjas. Yet, they were all asleep. Some were leaning against rocks, some hanging onto stalagmites, others asleep on the floor. They even saw sleeping Ninjas hanging on the ceiling. The frightened skuas tried to escape, but flew down a series of tunnels, getting more and more lost every time. They somehow came upon a tunnel with a purple tapestry covering it, with the words "Pen Chi's Chamber: DO NOT ENTER". Though frightened, the skuas just had to enter. Flying in, they saw lavish jewels, silver, gold, platinum, the works. A couch draped in silk and a silver television with platinum antennas were near the back of the room. The skuas decided to record here.
As they were recording, they saw Pen Chi, one of the greatest Ninja trainers of all time, walking out of a freezer that said "Dessert Storage" holding an emerald box tightly to his chest. The Ninja penguin obviously had something to hide.
The skuas flew to a trophy fish mounted on the wall, and posed in awkward positions, aiming their cameras at Pen Chi. Zooming in, they made a shocking discovery...
Pen Chi took his emerald box. In an instant (too fast for the cameras), the ninja had reached into the box, taken something out, and stashed the box away. He paused for a moment, staring lovingly at something... the skuas zoomed in.. the item became clearer. It was... it was... snow! Wait, it wasn't just any snow, it was yellow snow! Pen Chi slowly pulled the putrid precipitation to his mouth, and in an instant, slurp! The yellow snow was gone! Pen Chi had eaten it!
The two skuas struggled to restrain their laughter.
Between giggles, one skua commented: "Oh, this is gold."
"No, it's digitally recorded gold!" the other said.
The skuas burst into an uproar of laughter, and Pen Chi immediately saw them.
Pen Chi stared at the skuas; the skuas stared back.
"OH, YOU ARE SO IN FOR IT!" Pen Chi screamed. "FACE MY SWORD!"
Pen Chi jumped in the air and unsheathed his sword, then starting waddling at amazing speed toward the skuas.
"WAIT, SSSSTTTOOOOPPPP!!!!!!!!" a skua screamed. "If you cut us to bits, you could be charged with murder!"
Pen Chi stopped for a moment. He lowered his sword and put it back in its carrier. The skuas turned off their cameras.
"You saw my secret. I have to do something before you show it to the world! Ah-ha! I've got it!"
The skuas watched as Pen Chi walked to a solid golden vault. He punched in a code: 6-17-1972, and the vault opened. There inside lurked the CyberGemz CyberStripe (opal) and CyberSneak (garnet)! The skuas were stunned. The CyberGemz were each the size of a Pad-desk! As the Pen Chi handed the Gemz to the skuas, he said: "I do believe these jewels will prevent you from telling my secret. The skuas agreed and left, though Pen Chi forgot to take their tapes. Flying through the air and snickering, they returned to their nest, and quickly stole a lock from a penguin wandering through 90-150 (mainland) and used it to seal the VHS tapes with the video of Pen Chi eating yellow snow. They flew off to show off their new CyberGemz to other skuas, but accidentally dropped the key to the lock on the way!
As the key fell, it hit a penguin clean on the head. Glancing at the falling item, he could see that the words "Property of Skua #1972 and Skua #713". Immediately, this penguin knew something was up. He went straight to the PSA and showed it to G. Unfortunately, G had no clue what a skua was. The penguin then headed to Explorer's house. He showed him the key. After a lengthy explanation, the penguin realized a massive conspiracy was involved. Yet, who?! Who could it be?! In an attempt to find out, he travelled to Fred's house across the street. He then showed Fred the key.
"Wow! Now that's a fancy lock! What an fascinating chemical structure! Hmmm, yes, gold, alloyed with beryllium copper! Friend, whatever skua owns this key is rich in unfathomable amounts of currency! Money to burn! My oh my, what an intriguing find! Want me to head to SnellBook and learn more about this 'Skua #1972 and Skua #713'?"
The penguin nodded.
The next day, Fred and the penguin met in SnellBook with a big file.
"This is the census record of Skua #1972 and Skua #713." Fred smiled that geeky smile of his.
"...and this is footage of a camera Barkjon installed onto Diamond Falls."
Fred put the DVD into a nearby television and started it up. The main chamber is shown.
"You can see the main chamber here. To the left, you can see two white dots and something shiny coming out of the entrance. They pause, and look at all those ninjas! They head down the wrong tunnel, and I didn't see them for a long time."
Fred fast-forwards the DVD. The same two dots are seen with brilliantly glowing stones. Fred points to them.
Fred turned off the television. Fred took off his hat and reached inside it. He pulled out a photograph and handed it to the penguin. Here is a picture of Skua #1972 and Skua #713's nest.
"This is the nest of Skua #1972 and Skua #713. Apparently, it's in Skua Strait. Barkjon told me about that area... he was almost eaten alive!"
The penguin gulped. He decided to find some help. First off, he would have to show someone with publicity his findings. He picked up the DVD, the picture, the key, and the census records, and headed off to Explorer's house. Upon arrival, the penguin showed him everything. Explorer told him that he would immediately distribute the news.
He also stated that the penguin would need to contact the PSA, yet hide his identity so that Pen Chi and the skuas would not slice him to bits. The penguin headed home to think of a disguise. Looking around his room, he recalled he was a non-member, and thus had little items for a costume.
Searching his igloo, he managed to find an old Groucho Marx Disguise from April Fools 2007. That covered his facial identity. He now needed a hat and clothing. Walking around his igloo, he noticed the curtains that hung on the sole window of his home. They were black, a very dark black. Taking them off the wall and sowing them together, the penguin managed to create a makeshift robe, that would suffice for his mission. Now for the hat. As mentioned, he was a non-member. He checked his inventory... there was a Third Anniversary hat, a propeller cap, a Second Anniversary hat, and bunny ears. He chose the bunny ears, and proceeded to paint them black as well. His cheap disguise was complete.
Using his Spy Phone, he was teleported to the PSA. He stepped into G's laboratory area, and accidentally fell into a secret trap door! As the penguin fell, he hit the ground hard. Standing up and regaining vision, he was face to face with a black silhouette of a penguin. It was the Director! The penguin was very nervous.
"Master Director, sir, I have important items to show you."
The Director nodded. He then sent a message to the penguin's Spy Phone which read: "Who are you?"
The penguin gulped.
"I am....... Abysmal..... Abysmal..... um... Abysmal... Esophagus. Yes! I am Abysmal Esophagus!"
The Director nodded. He sent another message: "Well, Abysmal Esophagus, why did you come here? Do you have anything for me?"
Abysmal Esophagus took out the items that Fred gave him. Placing the items on the floor, he kicked them with his webbed feet. The objects slid across the room to the Director, who proceeded to pick them up.
The silhouette read everything, looked at the key, the photograph, and the DVD, and nodded once more. He sent another message: "Thank you, Abysmal Esophagus, you have successfully uncovered an amazing scandal. I shall dispatch agents to the skuas immediately."
The Director saluted to Abysmal Esophagus, and walked away, yet Abysmal Esophagus was unable to see any details. The Director must have been a silhouette, just like in the PSA's handbook. Abysmal Esophagus smiled and walked away. Arriving at his igloo, he took a picture of himself in disguise, and mounted it on a wall with a wooden frame. He also put a scanned photo of the key in another frame, and a pictre of the Director saluting in the third. What a day!
The next day, November 2nd, multiple Secret Agents and two Ninjas arrived at Skua Strait. Moving to Skua #1972 and Skua #713's nest at breakneck speed, the landed on top,only to realize that the skuas were gone. The nest was also made of solid twenty-four karat gold, with satin lining and cashmere pillows. An LCD television hung on a nook engraved into the wall, and a coffee maker next to it. These skuas were definitely living the fancy life. While the Agents stood guard around the nest, the two ninjas swiftly took the key and unlocked the box. Two tapes were inside. As the Ninjas reached in, Pen Chi appeared out of nowhere! Recognizing a higher authority, the ninjas bowed to one of their many leaders.
"I'll take those tapes, fellow ninjas." Pen Chi stated, with mild nervousness in his voice. The ninjas bowed in respect, though they had some suspicions. Pen Chi turned to the Agents and bowed to them, and as quickly as he arrived, he vanished without a trace. The Agents looked at each other. They immediantly knew Pen Chi was up to something.
They quietly followed the Ninja leader back to his chamber, where he picked up his sword and a magnet, slowly attempting to erase the tape, as if nothing was on it. He was caught in the act.
"HAULT! PEN CHI, THIS IS THE PENGUIN SECRET AGENCY. PUT THE TAPE DOWN AND YOUR FLIPPERS UP!"
Pen Chi gulped. He knew not to use his sword on an Agent... so he had to come up with an excuse to keep the tapes.
"I am a high-ranking Ninja. Releasing these tapes would endanger the security of the USA, and the Ninja force in general. For this specific reason, I can not release the tapes to you or the general public. I demand you to drop these charges of these tapes and your suspicion."
The Secret Agents looked at each other. They turned back to Pen Chi. Before the Ninja noticed, the PSA snatched the tape from him and started running! Pen Chi summoned ninjas, and a huge chase ensued. More Agents came for backup and it got worse. The Agents managed to escape Diamond Falls, and off they ran.
"These tapes must be of some kind of murder, or something awful! Have you ever seen so many ninjas?!", One Agent asked the other.
"I know, this is going to be awesome!" The agents flew back home to the HQ.
Upon saluting to Gary, they took the tapes straight to Aunt Arctic. After explaining where the tapes came from, Aunt Arctic eagerly took them and stated she would air them in a few minutes...
All over the USA, penguins were watching their televisions. Suddenly, the television screen got all staticy and Aunt Arctic appeared in the screen.
"Attention Antarctica, this is Aunt Arctic with breaking news! Recently, amazing tapes have been discovered on Ninjas and a massive conspiracy! You have got to see this!"
The word "ninja" immediantly had every penguin glued to their screens. Aunt Arctic held the tapes in front of the camera, and placed them into the viewer. The tapes played.
It showed the camera moving into Pen Chi's room, some dialogue between skuas, and Pen Chi coming out of the Dessert Vault. After taking out the item, penguins leaned closer on their seats. It was yellow snow! He ate it, and it was now shown on every screen in Antarctica!
Aunt Arctic and everyone else were silent. It was so quiet, you could hear a piece of ice hit the floor. Aunt Arctic let out a snicker, and it burst into laughter. Seconds later, everyone started rolling on the floor laughing. Pen Chi was ruined.
On November 3rd, Pen Chi appeared on television. Standing on top of Mount LiquidFence (named so because of the huge ninety degree vertical glacier. He stood at the top of the mountain, and screaming at the cameras: "I AM A NINJA, NOT A CROOK 2 ! I just have unique culinary tastes!"
After a long interview Pen Chi concluded:
"I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I shall retreat to a mountain to live and eat how I please. Goodbye, Club Penguin, good bye."
- Where did Pen Chi go? Who was Abysmal Esophagus? Why would anyone eat yellow snow in the first place?
- Some of these questions may never be answered. Research has been undergoing for a while now. The tapes now reside in the basement of The Big Fat Building o' Archives. The Humana Cathedral Papers were stored there as well.
- Interestingly, 1.85 minutes of the tapes were missing, particularly the section between the skuas coming into Pen Chi's Chamber and the skuas coming out with the two CyberGemz. It is widely believed Fred 676 accidentally erased the section by fast forwarding the video and using his geek-brain at the same time (which would have emitted strong alpha waves, disrupting the tape recorder).
- One rumor states that Pen Chi went to Japan, a human country also with ninjas. However, no one wants to go all the way over there to chat with him, it's too risky. The teacher replacing Pen Chi is the even older Sensei, who built the Dojo himself.
- After extensive research, E.P.F. agents figured out that the two CyberGemz given to the skuas were CyberSneak, a blue garnet, and CyberStripe, a red and black opal thought to bring bad luck to its owner. Via extensive research of pawn shop transactions, shipping lists, and the derivatives of the Nikkei Index, the two CyberGemz were traced and recovered to be displayed at the LiquidFence Database Museum.
- Nobody knows where Pen Chi got the yellow snow from. Most think that it came from himself or one of his ninjas, but new evidence has surfaced that it may have come from Mabel.
- Some people thing that Pen Chi is still in Antarctica, eating yellow snow as he wishes.
- Others believe that Pen Chi is in fact The Mysterious Curator.
- A lot of LiquidFence items can now be found at the LiquidFence Database Museum
- This is a parody of the Watergate Scandal. How many subtle references can you find in the links, and otherwise?
- Talk about it here! We take any good commentary!
- Nobody knows where Pen Chi got the yellow snow from. It is thought by most that it came from him, or one of his ninjas. New evidence has come up, however, that it came from Mabel. When interviewed she replied, "Why you little $^*(^$*&*&%*#&$%(*#&$#&$%$%&#^$*#&%^&$%#^$&! How dare you think that!"
- When Explorer 767 interviewed Abysmal Esophagus, he was reported to say: "Abysmal Esophagus? That was your codename? (breaks into laughter) Man, you could've done something more creative. Like 'Bottomless Trachea'. Or 'Never-Ending Nasals'. Or 'Deep Throat'. Wow... that last one was lame. Deep Throat? I'd stick to Abysmal Esophagus if I were you."
- A Movie based on this event is in production.