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Koobly Kronicles

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The Koobly Kronicles is an ongoing documentary involving Koobly Khan at school, at home, and at his monarch training.

Fill free to add on at anytime. Especially you, Explorer.


Chapter One: Just Another Hospital Visit

Koobly Khan was waddling home from his elementary school, blissfully looking at his surroundings. Club Penguin looked so beautiful this time of year. In fact, Koobly couldn't be any happier. He just received an A+ on his history test (on Pengolia, ironically), and for the first time in weeks, the tiny penguin was not shoved into a locker. He nearly skipped down the lane, the propeller on his rather odd hat spinning in the crisp July air.


This was before he learned of his status.


He turned the corner and down to the subdivision, where his parent's igloo was located. There were rows of igloos, and Koobly was heading down the respective sidewalk. As he passed an alleyway, he heard a familiar voice; it was a voice he didn't like to hear.


"Well, if it isn't Koobly Khan, skipping down the sidewalk."


It was Bumson, one of many skua gangsters that patrolled this area. Koobly turned and faced the bird.


"It looks like you haven't learned your lesson. How many times have I told you not to look like a freak?"


Koobly gulped. He knew where this was going... again.


"Wh... why do you pick on me, sir?"


"Three reasons." The skua replied.


"One: You have funny, square shaped eyes." the skua pecked Koobly.


"B: You are a weird color." Bumson clawed Koobly with his talons.


"...and most importantly, you wear that stupid hat!" the skua pecked the defenseless penguin on his head, multiple times. It was very painful.


Koobly barely managed to lift a flipper toward the bird.


"My hat was... a gift from Snail... Claus, sir..." Koobly passed out, with Bumson laughing over him.


"Stupid penguin! You're too kind for your own good!" he screeched.


It was then that the Neighborhood Watch saw Bumson, and they subsequently threw snowballs until he flew off. One of the penguins waddled over toward the fallen Koobly.


"Aw, not again!" the penguin said. "Come over here! That bird beat up the same kid... again!"


The Neighborhood Watch was rather annoyed. Koobly got beat up on at least a weekly basis. It was really driving on their nerves.


"Koobly? Again?!" The other annoyed officer moaned. "Why is that chick such a target?"


"Do you think I care? Just put him in the ambulance. I'll contact his parents... again."


So it was done.


Chapter Two: A Gritty Situation

Koobly woke up in the hospital... again. He wasn't hurt too bad, just several nasty bruises. He was okay, but this was the fourteenth time Koobly was checked in this month.


As Koobly came to consciousness, he looked around. Talking to the nurse, he asked:

"Is Bumson okay?"


The nurse groaned. She was assigned to Koobly every time.


The penguin turned to Koobly, who was smiling.


"Can you say anything mean?"


"Come again?"


"Is there anything you can say that would be insulting?"


"No ma'am."


The nurse smacked herself with flipper, trying to calm down.


It was about lunch time. Another nurse wheeled in the meal.


"Oh, happy day! Grits! Thank you!"


As Koobly gulped down his grits (penguins can't chew, remember), one nurse called another over.


"He's too nice. No one can always be that nice." one nurse commented.


"Exactly. Especially since he's a Khanz penguin. Are you sure his birth certificate isn't messed up?"


The other nurse opened a cabinet and took out Koobly's birth certificate.


Well, I have it here, let's read it... again.


"Kooblysan Mogul Khan. Laid December 2, 2002. Hatched January 1, 2003. Father: Koolee Khan Mother: Kayblee Khan. Race: Khanz Penguin."


"Look for smudge marks, counterfeit something... anything?!"


"No, no, and no."


"HOW CAN HE BE A KHANZ PENGUIN?!"


A doctor walked in at that moment. He heard everything from the hall.


"Biologically, you can't deny it." the doctor stated. The nurses turned to him.


"Like any Khanz penguin, he has square eyes, and an odd color. That's the key features of any Khanz penguin. Now, as for the hat, Pengolian customs state that only the future royalty get a hat."


"So... you're saying that... Koobly... is..." the nurse couldn't finish her sentence.


"Yes. A possible heir to the Pengolian throne, after Penghis Khan abdicates and/or dies."


"Wow."


"How do they get selected?"


"The Khan Dice." the doctor continued. "They're casting lots today. When the bones roll, destiny will take over."


"So you're saying that the Pengolian throne is chosen by dice?! DICE?!"


"Actually, one dice, or die... and normally, no. The throne is usually chosen on the old heir system. Unfortunately, Penghis Khan never married, he never had any children, and his family denounced all custody charges because, as they put it, he's so darn stupid." The doctor continued.


"...and how do you know all of this, Doctor?"


"Internet."


The nurses stared.



Chapter Three: Vegas Cubes Should Not Determine Monarchy

South Pole Krytocric Hall

The South Pole Krytocric Hall.

Explorer started spinning the little propeller on his hat. After taking liftoff, he kept it spinning until he was on top of the spire of the South Pole Krytocric Hall. A crowd had gathered. Like in Club Penguin, the residents of South Pole City were always bored, and looked for excuses for merriment.


Several of them had balloons, others had little pennants. Cheering was echoing through the crowd.


Explorer held up the shiny Khan die. The dice glimmered in the Antarctic sun. He tossed the dice, and they fell from the Capitol's giant spire.


BOING! BUMP! BOOF!


The die fell from the spire, half-bouncing, half-rolling down the large dome that sat on the Capitol's roof. It fell into an open window and straight into the clockworks of the large clock tower that stood out from the Capitol's central wing.


The die plunged downward, flying past gears and pulleys until it landed on top of the swaying pendulum. It sat there until the pendulum lurched sideways and tipped the die into one of the baskets holding the counterweights for the clock. The basket was pulled upward by one of the pulleys, and carried its cargo up high into the clock tower, where a menacing skua flew down into the basket and kicked the die out, onto the clock face's main gear.


The gear rotated very slowly, with the Khan Die lodged between two of its spokes. The skua landed in front of the gear and gave the die a sharp peck, causing it to fly out and land on the metal hammer of a bronze penguin figurine.


Just then, the clock struck 4:00 PM. A set of conveyor belts pulled the penguin figurine out of the clockworks and outside, in front of the face of the clock tower. As the bronze automaton raised its hammer to strike the bronze bell that was in front of him, the Khan Die sailed into the air and fell down the whole length of the Capitol.


DING! BONG!!!


The large hour bell inside the clock tower rang out as the Khan Die fell straight into the front lines of the crowds.


Mabel, who happened to finish her shopping, walked right under the ceremony. She could care less about Pengolia's future. In fact, she could just care less.


WHACK!!


The Khan Die had smacked Mabel clean upon her. She fell over, and her glasses came off. The dice landed on the ground, rebounded into the air one final time.... and fell into the pool in front of the Capitol. It bobbed up and down as it was sprayed with water from the pool's fountain. Five fishes were shown on its soggy face. Judge Xavier held up a tattered scroll.


"AND THA WINNER IS..."


The crowd leaned in to listen.


"KOOBLY KHAN!"


Cheers echoed.


Explorer, who had landed, leaned over to the Judge.


"Who's Koobly Khan?"


"I have no idea. Just smile and wave, Exploruh. Smile and wave."


Behind the SPC capital, several members of The Society Against the Stupidity of Penghis Khan snickered.


"He took the bait?"


"Yep. The dice were fixed to land on Five. Thanks to yours truly. We couldn't have selected a nicer ruler."


"No more bossing, rubbing feet, or bubble baths?"


"Nope."


"Sir, you are crazy."


"Crazy like a Mabel!"


The Society Against the Stupidity of Penghis Khan cheered with the crowd. Pouring cans of sparkling Cream Soda into sippy cups, they raised the carbonated drink.


"I propose a toast. A toast, to rigged gravity and magnetism!"


"HUZZAH!"


The Society drank all of their soda in five seconds. Sippy cups only hold a pint, anyway.



Chapter Four: School of Hard Knocks

"Well, Koobly, you've survived eight years of beatings. I don't know how you stay so happy."


The eight year old gestured to Club Penguin.


"How can you not be happy, ma'am? This is Club Penguin! The greatest community in Antarctica! ...and it's not Pengolia! I took an exam on it yesterday. It's a bad place. A really bad place."


The nurses looked at each other. He had no idea of his species, did he?


One of the nurses rubbed her flipper on the back of her neck.


"Yeah... a bad place... heh heh."


"Yes ma'am!"


Koobly exited the hospital, as happy as ever. He picked up his Map, and used it to teleport back to his school. It was a new day! Education awaited!


Koobly waddled into his elementary school. Several penguins in younger grades ran past. Penguins in the upper grades stood in the corners, watching.


The CP education system put grades Kindergarten all the way to the Twelfth Grade all under one roof. There were thirteen grades in CP. They were all there. Bad move, don't you think?


Koobly was in the third grade. He was a specific target by several others in the seventh and ninth grades as well.


Koobly turned down the third grade hall. Some ninth graders cut class specifically to get Koobly. They jumped out from behind a trash can.


"BOO!" they screamed. Koobly, in response, squealed and fell backwards, his little bow tie falling off in the process. He put it back on, and stood in front of the tall birds.


"Hello! Why are you in this hall?" Koobly asked.


The punks looked toward one another, and laughed.


"Kid, you know why we're here."


Koobly gulped. He lowered his head.


"Yes sir, I know why you are here. You might as well complete it, I've got art class in thirty minutes."


"Art? You want some... ART? Okay." the penguin clapped his flippers together. Two others wheeled in a chalkboard they stole from their homeroom. One of the punks henchmen scrawled some drawings onto the board."


"Oh, happy day! Drawings! Thank you for not shoving me into a locker this morning."


The bully smiled. He pointed to a drawing.


"What's that?"


Koobly glanced at the drawings for a while. They were really bad. Eventually, it hit him.


"That's me!"


"Good. What about this one?"


"A sandwich?"


"Yes... and this one?"


Koobly frowned.


"Oh. That's a picture of me... giving you my sandwich."


The bully stretched out a flipper.


"Give me your sandwich."


Koobly handed it over.


"Oh! You have good taste! Grey fish with sliced mullet and mayonnaise! Thanks!"


Koobly smiled, thinking he did a good deed.


"I'm sorry you didn't have a lunch today, sir. I have some applesauce here too. Would you like it?"


The punk became angry. He hit Koobly, right in the beak.


"YOU IDIOT! TAKING YOUR SANDWICH IS A BAD THING! AND I DON'T WANT NO STINKING APPLESAUCE!"


Then, a teacher came out. He looked at the bully, and the fallen Koobly.


"Leslie? Did you hit Khan again?"


Leslie slid Koobly behind the chalkboard with his foot.


"Uh... no."


"Principal's office. NOW!"


Leslie walked off. The teacher went over and picked up Koobly.


"Aw, not again."


The teacher walked over to a little box. It read "IN CASE OF FALLEN KOOBLY, PULL LEVER". Koobly got beaten up so much, they installed a system to call an ambulance. The teacher pulled the lever. Twenty minutes later, Koobly went to a hospital. Again.



Chapter Five: The Khanderer

The same nurse was there. Again. However, she was reading a copy of The Penguin Times, and she looked rather shocked. She dropped the paper to the floor, before she could even read the "Secrets" section.


"Whoa." was all the nurse could say.


Koobly was still asleep.

Penguin times khan

The front of the Nurse's newspaper.

The paper's interior headline read: "Heir to Pengolia Selected: Koobly Khan". The front page? "Dice Determines Destiny".




Explorer and Fred, at that moment, had just teleported from South Pole City into the neighborhood of Wintry Pine, 6 blocks north of Plaza Hill and merely 3 blocks away from the hospital, on server Blizzard, that is... in an alley.


They too had heard the news, and were selected to interview this "Koobly Khan" character for the Penguin Times.


...they got lost.


"FRED! I THOUGHT YOU CALCULATED OUR EXACT LOCATIONS BEFORE YOU TELEPORTED!


"I don't know, Explorer, I keep telling you: the longitude and latitude intersect right where I stand. My Spy Phone stated the exact same thing. So did the GPS, and my abacus from Santa."


"You still carry that thing? The one that was left by an impostor?! We all know Snail Claus didn't leave the abacus! It's an authentic Ming Dynasty calculator, and by carrying it, you're breaking the Fourth Wall! THERE'S NO MING DYNASTY IN ANTARCTICA!"


Fred looked at Explorer, like he was joking.


"Since when did you care about breaking the Fourth Wall? I thought that was your main source of merriment."


It was, until the Czar made me sign this restraining order!


Explorer handed Fred the document.


"TrAV3lluR |Z kNOt TOO br3aK d4 4th Wall 4 da N3xT 6 dAYz or h3 wiLL g3T A RESTEd 4 r3TCONNinG da L33T PLOT."


After reading (and translating the Leet), he looked up.


"Quite a bummer, if I do say so myself. What's with that Czar anyway?"


Explorer nodded.


"Since I can't break the Fourth Wall, I have no idea where we're going, no idea who Koobly is, and no idea on how to find him... all because I can't read the author's mind."


Explorer suddenly exploded into tears.


"DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD LIFE IS WITHOUT THE FOURTH WALL?! I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHETHER I RETCONNED THE PLOT ANYWAY!!! DOES THAT DUMB CZAR EVEN KNOW WHAT RETROACTIVE CONTINUITY IS???"


Explorer continued his weeping, except it was more severe than the above sentence. Oops...


"I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO THE AUDIENCE, FRED! THE AUDICE---- GGGAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"


Explorer, in misery, cried on Fred's shoulder (if penguins have shoulders).


"You know, if pie was rational and edible, I'd take that Czar and put him in said delicious pastry. Come on Explorer, let's go. I don't use the Fourth Wall very much, it's not that hard! Hey, look. I managed to find the location of our destination! All it took was a little re-configuring, and a quick antideriving.... hey, look, I factored a limit instead of multiplying by its conjugate. Pretty stupid, huh?"


Explorer smiled at Fred's trivial calculus error.


"You're right. I can make it without the Fourth Wall! Come on, let's go!"


Explorer waddled down the alley.


"EXPLORER! IT'S LEFT! YOU'RE GOING RIGHT!"


"GAAAHHH!!!" Explorer screamed in misery again. "I CAN'T TRAVEL WITHOUT READING THE AUTHOR'S MIND!"


"It's going to be a long search."




However, Koobly had yet to realize all the comotion. The blow to the beak had knocked him out quite well, and he was still fast asleep.


When he finally came to, his nurse had hidden the newspaper. Poor Koobly didn't even know his own ethnicity.


"Ma'am?" Koobly called out.


The nurse responded. Koobly then continued.


"May I please have a copy of the Penguin Times?"


The nurse gulped. Before Koobly could say anything else, the nurse took the paper... and ate it.


"Why did you eat the newspaper, ma'am?"


"There's nothing good in it today."


"Oh. Okay then."


Koobly rolled over and went back to sleep.




Chapter Six: Your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness

Penghis Khan was sitting on his throne, eating some Imperial Pizza, when a servant ran over to him.


"Your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness, the heir has been selected!"


"Heir? What heir?! Penghis Khan rules West Pengolia!"


"...I know that, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness, but everyone dies someday."


"That day is not today! Penghis Khan questions your sanity!"


"...but your Royal PWNsomeness!"


Penghis Khan straightened up.


"Did you just insult Penghis Khan?"


"Not that I know of, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness."


"No. Penghis Khan thought you left out Imperial in his title a few minutes ago."


"No, not that I know of, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness."


"Hmm... Penghis Khan wants you to inform him of the news."


"Yes, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness."


The servant handed over the paper.


"WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS... TREASON?! PENGHIS KHAN IS STUNNED AT THIS NEWSPAPER!"


"I didn't write it, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness."


"WHO AUTHORIZED THE PROPPELOR PENGUIN TO CHOOSE PENGHIS KHAN'S HEIR?!"


"The Czar of GourdZoid and Judge Xavier, sir."


"Hmm... can Penghis Khan whack this, this Czar?"


"I wish you could, sir. With all of my being, I wish you could. However, the Czar has more... um, Leetness than... um, me."


The servant cringed. If he chose his words wrong... WHACK! Thankfully, no Mullet.


"Tell Penghis Khan. How does one obtain this... Leetness?"


"Um... well, I think it has something to do with a computer and Sanity Penguin."


"What's a Sanity Penguin?"


"..." the servant lacked any of an idea.


"Never mind. Penghis Khan doesn't care. However, if the Propellor Penguin ever comes near Penghis Khan, he will face Penghis Khan's IMPERIAL PWNAGE!"


"Good to know, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness."


"So. Is this heir a worthy heir of Penghis Khan?"


"I don't know, sir. No one has ever heard of him. I know he's a Khanz Penguin, and he dons the Royal Headgear, but that's about it."


"Is he an aggressive, PWNsome, kick-em-in-the-dishpan fish slapping ruler like Penghis Khan?"


"Probably. I've never seen a nice Khanz Penguin, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness."


"Excellent. If he's young, he will get the Monarch Training from one of Penghis Khan's best minions."


"Which one?"


Penghis Khan leaned over and whispered to the servant.


"No way. PWNsome Khanz Minion 667 Deluxe?! He's really harsh, sir! Do you think a little chick could handle him?"


"If he's a true Khanz penguin, he should! Penghis Khan did!"


"True... you did beat the stuffing out of him before he even started training..."


"Penghis Khan didn't even need training, servant. The heir probably will."


"Understood, sir. You are the most PWNsome."


"Yes. Penghis Khan is the most PWNsome. Since the heir has been selected, locate him, and give him this."


Penghis Khan stood up, and walked off the phonebooks that led up to his throne. He lifted up the seat of the throne, and lifted an old, wooden box. Penghis Khan then handed it to the servant.


"What is it, your Royal Imperial PWNsomeness?"


"It's the Khan Sash. It's a ceremonial garment that the heir wears until Penghis Khan stops being PWNsome. It tells the world: LOOK! HEIR NAME IS THE NEXT HEIR TO PENGOLIA! GAZE UPON HIM AND TREMBLE! It's purple. Penghis Khan likes purple. When the heir becomes Emperor Khan, the sash goes back in the box. Penghis Khan will have a high-ranked servant hand-deliver it when the heir is found. SO SAYS PENGHIS KHAN! Dismissed!"


Penghis Khan was excited. He hates relenquishing power, but he sure loves ceremonies... especially ceremonies he invented. Like the Khan Sash... or the Really Shiny Tennis Ball of PWNAGE... or the silver fish... or any of the Royal Pengolian Jewels of Extreme Shinyness.


"SERVANTS! GO GET THE REALLY SHINY ITEMS! PENGHIS KHAN WANTS TO HOLD THEM AGAIN!!"


A servant responded.


"But sir! You've already broken the Really Shiny Tennis Ball of PWNage twice!"


"DO YOU DARE QUESTION THE AUTHORITY OF PENGHIS KHAN?!"


The servant ran off to get the Pengolian Jewels of Extreme Shinyness.


Shortly after Penghis Khan held the Really Shiny Tennis Ball of PWNAGE, he dropped it.



Chapter Seven: The Truth Hurts

After a glorious day at school, Koobly Khan headed home. The bully, Bumson, was not flying around the alley lane. He felt glad that he was not there.


As he steeped his left foot into his parents' igloo, he found his parents, rather sad. Curious of the tears dripping down from there, he asked "Why the long face?".


His parents, hesitating to tell the truth, replied "We... are... worried about you dear. We don't know how to explain this."


Koobly looked at his parents.


His parents eventually told the truth.


It took long and wide hours to tell him he was actually a Khanz Penguin, despite his nice and pleasant behaviour. It took even longer to explain his royal status.

"What about my hat? It was a Gift from Snail Claus, right?"


"Koobly... that hat is a Pengolian custom. You've been chosen, Koobly!"


"But mom... I don't want to be grumpy".


"Darling... well... you erm... okay. I really don't know how to say this but..."


"Mom! I really don't want to be a baddie!"


"Khanz are not baddies. Well, they are just... grumpy. I was going to have your good friend Explorer tell you this, but he got lost."


After long hours of sobbing and arguments, Koobly eventually accepted the fact that he the successor to the Pengolian throne. It was harder without Explorer there.


It was going to get worse from there. Khan Minion 667 was waiting, and the Sash was heading to CP soon.


If only Koobly knew.


Chapter Eight: WHY CAN'T WE JUST DRIVE THROUGH THAT CURTAIN?!

The limosine carrying the Khan Sash was quickly heading down the only highway out of West Pengolia. Ever since the Khan Split, they had to drive around the Steel Drapes and over large mountains to avoid its socialist counterpart. The wind really didn't help, either.


Most Khanz Penguins are nomadic, so rough travel isn't too bad a problem. It's just that a warrior race gets impatient rather easily.


"HEY!" the Khan official screamed to the chauffer, "WHY CAN'T WE JUST DRIVE THROUGH THAT CURTAIN?!"


The driver, a now annoyed Emporer Penguin, turned to the sqaure-eyed creature and responded. Guestering to the crimson drapes that were zooming by out the window, he began.


"Sir, the Steel Drapes are for your species' protection. Imperialists on the left, socialists on the right. It's a matter of secu-"


"I DON'T CARE! GO THROUGH THE CURTAIN!"


"Sir, you can't jus-" WHACK!


The Chauffer just recived a face full of fish. In shock, he turned a harsh right and drove straight through the Drapes. The rod supporting them vibrated rabidly, but the curtain somehow stayed up despite a long vehicle going through.


They found themselves on an identical highway, though the road and snow was slightly darker here.


"Great. Now we're on a one-way road heading south. We're also in communist country, and since they drive in the center here, there's no way out."


"Oh really?" the Khan officer replied, gesturing to a turn-off with a large sign that said "Выйти на социалистов". They couldn't read Penguin Mongolian Scrawl, so they had no idea they were entering dangerous territory.


Unlike its counterpart, East Pengolia made an effort to industrilize and incorporate an urban environment for the workers. The limosine drove through cobblestone streets as it began to enter an industrial park. Despite the bumpyness, it was easy to see the factories that lined both sides of the street, pumping out white smoke (thankfully, black smoke is the only smoke that pollutes) and darkening the sun in the process.


That was exactly the problem. There was a limosine in East Pengolia. Everyone knows those cars are a sign of wealth. Various Khanz workers quickly took notice.


"HEY! IT'S A RICH GUY! LET'S PUMMEL HIM WITH FISH BEFORE HE ENSLAVES US!"


The penguins quickly waddled after the Limosine, which was now doing 80 mph in a 20 mph zone. More workers joined, and a full-scale chase ensued. The Khan official clutched the golden box holding the Sash and began screaming at the driver.


"QUICKLY, YOU FOOL! Don't you have some sort of oil slick or gadget or something?"


"What do you think I am?! An Elitist? I'm just a limosine driver!"


"WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING YOU CAN TOSS TO STOP THEM!"


The Khan official placed the box containing the Sash on the floor of the vehicle and looked around for some sort of item.


"HEY! LOOK WHAT I FOUND IN THIS THING'S STOW-&-GO™! It's like someone is moving their house in here!"


The limosine chauffer took a quick glance to see what that Khanz penguins was looking at. He saw the big trapdoor opened, in which his prized collection of lamps and lighting fixtures sat. He was secretly carrying them to his house.


"WE CAN USE THESE LAMPS!"


"NO!!!"


The Khan official lowered the back window of the vehicle and started throwing lamps and chandeliers at the now-gaining worker mob. The shattewring of glass and furniture was heard.


"NO, NO! PLEASE STOP!"


Of course, the Khanz official didn't stop. He threw every last lamp, chandalier, lightbulb, and flashlight out of the vehicle. With nothing left to throw, the Khanz Penguin accidently grabbed the golden box holding the Sash and threw it out the window!


"NO, NO!!!" The chauffer shrieked. "YOU JUST THREW OUT A CEREMONIAL RELIC!"


"I did?"


"YES, YOU IDIOT!"


The chauffer slammed on the breaks and jumped out, running over to see the intact golden box's lid open, the sash laying in the snow nearby. The mob, meanwhile, piled on the limo and started ripping it apart, leaving the suit-wearing driver and robe-wearing official (who looked rich) to gather the Sash and find a new ride. The Khanz official sneaked back over and snagged the two West Pengolian flags that were on the hood of the vehicle. The flags, as any country official knew, allowed the driver to park anywhere at any time, as well as showing it was diplomacy and an official, national business. He ran back to the driver, who was now stuffing the dirty Sash back into the box. They both ran off, carrying the sash and royal car-flags.


Hiding behind a factory, the driver turned to the official.


"Now what? We don't have a vehicle, the Sash is dirty, and there are angry workers who will attack us if they see something that even resembles wealth. Your ceremonial robes and my suit would be a dead ringer for upper class!"


The driver turned around, having heard the sound of a car cranking on. There, he saw a broken old RV, puffing out black from its exhaust pipe, shaking at the very nature of its enhgine running. It was a pretty bad ride, but still, it WAS a vehicle! The chauffer quickly attached the royal flags on the RV, and took out a sticker and some banners from his inventory indicating that this vehicle was now commisioned by West Pengolia to carry the Khan Sash. Attaching a miniature Penghis Khan hood ornament to the front and a final WP flag on top, the vehicle was technically a royal car by definition. Still, it didn't look noble, and it smelled weird.


The two penguins hopped in the car. There, they were greeted by brown carpet, green walls, a broken cabinet with its door hanging off, a tattered bed, and a mini-fridge that looked as if it had not been used in five years. The steering wheel was as wide as one found in a school bus, and the seats were ripped and had their stuffing falling out. The vehicle was a stick shift to boot, though the driver knew how to use it. The little thingies on the dashboard were all broken except the speedometer, and it seemed the vehicle had a full tank of gasoline, though it probably got nine miles to the gallon.


"I can't belive I'm driving this."


The chauffer moaned as he drove the vehicle onto a highway heading north, out of the socialist nation. They had to be quick, they didn't have a passport, they were West Pengolian, 100% capitalist, AND they were wearing a robe and a suit, all while riding in a rickety RV drafted by the government to carry a small garment. It was just NOT a good day.


"I could have taken a job as a waiter at a good restuarant, but nnnnooooooooooo. I wanted to be a professional driver! Gah..."

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